Stay in your lane

I am moving.

But don’t worry - I am not going too far.

Anyone who knows me closely, knows I LOVE where I have been living the past two years, so this move comes with some very mixed feelings.

After much searching, my current roommate and I found a place that we are actually even excited about. Sure, it comes with some concessions, but also some really exciting upgrades! (p.s. you know you’re an adult when things like a gas stove and a garage feel like winning the jackpot)

And, to be as cliche as possible, moving is a golden opportunity for change. I have already been contemplating what lifestyle changes I want to make now that I will inevitably have to form new neuro-pathways.

Clean slate. A world of possibilities. AND, much to do…

But besides changing where I find my toothbrush every morning, I am taking this opportunity to set new boundaries for who I allow into my space, physically and also emotionally.

I have been working a lot on creating emotional safety for myself and recently had the humbling realization that simply removing threats is not the same as cultivating safety (thank you therapy).

I have been so good at removing threats… but inevitably falling into the same pattern, only to yet again remove the threat. But what if instead I learned better tools to navigate the unsafely, strengthen my emotional armor (ie boundaries, self-worth, etc), or better yet-  I didn’t put myself around these threats to begin with… What if I chose differently for myself?

I recently heard this poem: (Thank you Ellie Rome for sharing.)

Autobiography in Five Chapters

by Portia Nelson

Chapter One:

I walk down the street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I’m lost.
I’m helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two:

I walk down the same street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three:

I walk down the same street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I fall in.
It’s a habit.
But my eyes are open.
It is my fault and I get out immediately.

Chapter Four:

I walk down the same street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five:

I try walking down a different street.

Current mission - walk down a different street…