Got friends?

How to make friends as adults.

Okay, so I hear this all the time: people go to events to meet like-minded people and build community. But how do you go from just attending to actually connecting?

Boiled down? It takes effort.

And though I am by no means an expert, I do have some insight to share.

My Tips for Making Friends at Events

…in no particular order:

• Find the RIGHT events.

  Not everything is for YOU.

  Notice your body - how does it feel around certain people or in certain places. Which places make you feel at ease, confident, energized or even just curious, versus which settings feel overwhelming or draining? Use your body as your compass.

• Know your boundaries.

  Of course I HAD to add this one in… but seriously, check-in with yourself ahead of time. Make sure to get adequate rest, know how late you want to stay out, what things you do or don’t want to participate in, and any other expectations you wanna set with yourself (and others)for when you arrive. And if social anxiety creeps up, remember you always have your breath and you can always step away for a moment.

  While we are on this topic, remember that an invite is not a reason to go. Read that again. Choosing what to spend energy on can be your greatest tool in life! Practice using a buffer like “let me check in with myself before I commit”  when you get invited somewhere - then check in with yourself. You should be asking yourself things like“Does this align with my financial goals?” or “Is there something else I would rather prioritize with my time?” instead of simply checking your calendar for availability.

• Be yourself.

  Yeah, yeah I know it’s soooo cliché but the reality is you won’t attract YOUR people by pretending to be someone else.

  Find your fellow weirdos - they are out there, I promise.

• Remember, quality over quantity.

  Get comfortable with the reality that not everyone is meant to be your friend… And thats a beautiful thing! Sometimes making friends comes with feelings of rejection or misalignment- make space for that and know that it’s a blessing in disguise.

• Skip the small talk.

  Okay, I know this might sound terrifying for some but it can be as simple as trading “How are you?” for  something deeper like “What brought you here tonight?” or “What was the highlight of your week?”. P.S. Openness invites openness, AND follow-up questions are always a plus!

• Follow-up.

  Met someone you vibed with? Reach out! And… I recommend you follow-up as a human, not a salesperson.