Good Grief
My sadness had a bone to pick with me.
I recently started the book “No Bad Parts” by Richard Schwartz, and it has already been so impactful in my life. It discusses “parts work” which is essentially the idea that your inner world is a chaotic group chat where different aspects of yourself - like your critical self, wounded child, responsible adult, and different emotions - are all chiming in with something to say. Through the work, you get to help them all play nice together and also make sure each one is heard, rather than dismissed or avoided. P.S. if you want to read it- I highly suggest getting the audiobook as there are many meditation-style exercises that are read out loud by the author.
In the first chapter, we are encouraged to sit and listen for a part of us that has not been given enough attention. As I began to sit in silence, sadness immediately jumped to the front of the line. And she had a lot to say.
She said “You never listen to me. It’s not fair. You always let anger or bravery take my place, and I have so many things you need to hear. You think I will get in the way of your productivity and goals, but I can actually help”.
Yeah….
Up until then, I had an acute awareness that I had a lot of sadness that hadn’t been expressed, but I had no idea how much I had suppressed it until I saw it in this new light.
I immediately began sobbing. I didn’t even know what I was sad about but it felt like a long-overdue mourning.
Not-so-coincidentally, the next day I experienced a loss. And though I would say I was “sad”, it made me realize just how truly disconnected from my sadness I had been. I immediately wanted to distract myself with busy tasks, thinking “I don’t have time to be sad right now, I have so much to do”. Woah…. that’s a familiar voice. How long has that station been playing??? So, I got to work listening and nurturing the feelings when they would arise.
Fast forward about a month and I can now proudly say I have had several cathartic cries. Seriously, I think I’m slowly working through a lifelong backlog….
So… here’s to being sad… I guess?
Shoutout to my bestie, Amaijah, for helping me on my journey, and for showing me how powerful FEELING can be.
So hey, go have a good cry if you need to! Or, see what other parts of you may need to take over the group chat for a bit.