Hi, I’m Annie and I’m a recovering people pleaser 🙋🏻♀️
And it has taken me years to realize just how detrimental this was to me, AND to those around me… Sure, being helpful and considering others is still the vibe, but how do we know where the line is between being kind and being kind of toxic (subconsciously)?
Having personal boundaries makes the people around you feel SAFE. Safe to be honest about their needs, their wants and their feelings. Safe to tell you when they need to change plans or when they have an unmet need… and guess what? That creates the space for you to do the same.
Having personal boundaries also gives you FREEDOM! So many people think of boundaries as walls of protection to keep others out, but in reality they are more like strategically placed doors to welcome others in! They are the banks of the river- showing you where and how to best flow freely.
Having personal boundaries helps you live out your dreams by allowing you to determine how to prioritize where to put your energy. Once you have the vital inner-conversation of figuring out who you are and what you ACTUALLY want (versus what you think others’ want or need of you, or outdated stories about yourself), you can then take the steps to weed out what you don’t have the capacity for, at this time. ***Hint: It’s not a matter of simply recognizing what you don’t LIKE or WANT in your life, often the harder piece of this is recognizing what needs to be deprioritized or reconfigured in your life, even when its something you do like or want.
Anywho, this is a rabbit hole I could dive down for eons (and is exactly what I started the Art of Boundaries Women’s Circle) but for now I want to challenge you with this prompt:
Today, focus on identifying your source of validation. Is it your parents? Friends? Instagram following?
Think about where you look for approval before taking action. While the support and encouragement of others is beneficial, if you constantly feel the need to get permission from outside of yourself it can derail you from your most authentic self. What goals are you living out that don’t come from a genuine desire from within, but from a story others have given to you? Or maybe even from social expectations. Ask yourself where your desires come from to determine if they are truly YOURS.
AKA: Don’t get so caught up chasing the carrot dangling in front of you, that you forget you don’t even like carrots.